how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
