im gay
i know
yea but for you.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my shit smells like andre
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
