Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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