Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
