How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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