we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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