clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
