Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
How does one acquire holy water?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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