I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
