i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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