I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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