I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
