Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
