I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
