sorry about calling you the devil all night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
