I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
should my penis look like a turkey
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
