im having a threesome with these popsicles
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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