well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
