made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There r osticjed everywhere
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize