Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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