walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
