Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We were destined to go to rehab together
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
