And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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