One girl and one boy is just not enough.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
