I am in a vortex of obligation.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
this hospital has no fireball
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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