She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
