I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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