Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
