Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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