A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
