im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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