FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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