I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
