If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
