I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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