There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
