what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I am naked and annoyed.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
