Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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