Little spoons don't ask big questions
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
