Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
