On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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