Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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