They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It's blow job season.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
