I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
