Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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