Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
