Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize