i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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