I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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