I seem to have left my pride at pride
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Dicks are not precious.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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