On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
