I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
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